Story Telling
A bright, starburst flash rolled over me and in that brief glimpse into sanity, I realized that my fantasy conversations were all about trying to inflate my own ego and make myself good enough. Again, whatever good enough really means. I was trying to manipulate a conversation that never took place so that I could feel good about myself and consequently make her understand why she was inadequate. Maybe she would finally understand her erring ways in her relationship with others, namely me. On the off chance that I would ever meet this person again, I was expecting our dance of shame and anger to change its steps based on a conversation that didn’t happen and in which she didn’t participate.
Today I had a conversation with someone I’ve not seen in years. She was always someone who knew how to push my buttons and it irritated me that she could make me feel like I could never be good enough—whatever good enough was. But, the conversation I had today was all my head. A whole conversation complete with a “she said”, then “I said” tennis match of words.
It was like watching a soap opera. The conversation had a plot and included outrageous tales and fantasy moments and incorporated judgment and consequences. All of which never happened. This was not the rehashing of a previous conversation … but a story made of whole cloth and imagination.
A bright, starburst flash rolled over me and in that brief glimpse into sanity, I realized that my fantasy conversations were all about trying to inflate my own ego and make myself good enough. Again, whatever good enough really means. I was trying to manipulate a conversation that never took place so that I could feel good about myself and consequently make her understand why she was inadequate. Maybe she would finally understand her erring ways in her relationship with others, namely me. On the off chance that I would ever meet this person again, I was expecting our dance of shame and anger to change its steps based on a conversation that didn’t happen and in which she didn’t participate.
Isn’t that one of the definitions of crazy? So, in my bright flash of sanity, I decided to stop making up stories. I decided clearly and with commitment that I would stop telling myself stories and having conversations that didn’t take place. Ah, sanity. Clearing my mind brought a brief moment of freedom and grace. A deep breath, and then, WHAM, it started all over again. I had to tell myself to STOP two more times, followed by my new mantra “Today I live in Joy” before my mind would actually stop its tennis match of made up stories.
My mind eventually became clear enough to find something productive to do. Like write this story!! It’s no wonder I used to be so tired at the end of each day … I was spending my energy and productivity making up worthless stories and conversations. The feeling of being in charge of my thoughts, my actions and my stories is freeing and empowering. You should try it!!
Vickie is nationally respected as the Tap Instructor, assisting you to tap into the power within to realize your brilliance in your life, business and health. As seen on T.V., Vickie is a recurring guest on Richmond’s leading TV talk show “Virginia This Morning”. She is a speaker, Certified Hypnotist, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Professional, and Licensed Science of Mind Practitioner, Adjunct Professor at University of Richmond and is known for her infectious enthusiasm and low-key, deceptively casual approach. She creates a contagious energy as she speaks, coaches, and conducts workshops.
by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) | August 24, 2010
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